- period: WAKE UP ASSHOLE, YOU GOT CRAMPS.
- period: How bout an entire chocolate cake for breakfast?
- period: How's that back pain? Feeling better? Let's fix that.
- period: Find a cookie as big as a house and eat it.
- period: See a male specimen of any kind. Instantly horny.
- period: Where's your Tic Tac box filled with ibuprofen?
- period: Got things to do? Don't care. Sleep.
- period: See a female specimen of any kind. Instantly horny.
- period: For dinner you're eating an entire bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
- period: Breeze blows by. Instantly horny.
- period: You didn't like those brand new underwear right?
- period: Yell at a puppy.
- period: Close eyes and wait for repeat tomorrow.
I wish we said “fancy” in America. As in, “I fancy you.” It’s such a more agreeable term than “I have a crush on you.” What’s a crush? Like, I AM A BOA CONSTRICTOR AND I AM GOING TO IMMOBILIZE YOU WITH MY MISPLACED AND OBSESSIVE AFFECTION. “I fancy you” is like, you’re so shiny and glittery and I just want to put you on a shelf and look at you for a while ‘cause you’re fancy.